"I am a screenwriter."
I awoke in the middle of the night with those words reverberating in my head. Why? I mean I write screenplays and have for awhile (please don't ask how long,) so why did these four words feel so different?
Eventually I dozed, but the question kept nagging me awake. Why? Why now, why different, why at all?
As dawn crept closer, incredibly bright lightening flashed though my blinds, and my closed eye lids, followed immediately by sharp bursts of thunder. A heck of an alarm bell.
I wasn’t ready to rise and go to my part time job as a senior bank teller. I wasn’t ready to be treated by customers as the lowest of peons. I wanted to stay home and mull this persistent question. But a PT job with health insurance bennies was where I had to be and soon. But I don't like to be titled a "teller," because it's a simply a job, and while I'm pretty darn good at all the banking stuff, it's not my life, my passion.
When I get the opportunity to tell people what I do, I tell them I write, or I’m a writer. They’re intrigued especially if I tell them this while working at the bank, (I liken my job to a waitress working while she auditions for parts) as if meeting a real writer, let alone one working in a bank is as alien as one from space.
Their next question is what do I write and for the past 6 years, my response is "I write screenplays." Now they’re even more intrigued and excited for I live outside of Hollywood. So it’s been fun to say I write screenplays, but some how it must not be enough for me any longer as evidenced by this nagging question.
All through my hectic "first of the month" morning at the bank, through lunch, dinner and watching the Golden Compass...a very disjointed movie, I was still wondering why waking up to those words was becoming a literal headache, until it hit me that I really am a screenwriter, it’s in my bones.
I can’t imagine not doing this even though it takes up a huge amount of time, effort and discipline. I haven’t won an Oscar or an Emmy...yet, and I’m doing my best every single day to put words on the page that will translate into magic on the screen.
I am a screenwriter.
And that title defines a major part of me, pleases and thrills me. It makes me stand taller. Even my attorney husband loves to say his wife is a screenwriter. So now when people ask me what I do, I’ll proudly, yet simply say; "I’m a screenwriter," (not just "a writer" or "I write") and watch their jaw lower, maybe even drop, especially when I’m at the bank, behind the line and "teller" is seemingly written all over me.
So if you have a dream, go for it full throttle, then adopt the title that manifests that dream. And don't let anyone tell you differently.
7 comments:
Interesting idea, Leslie. I look at it this way: Job titles are just one of the many hats we all wear, though a job title is probably the most visible one.
Outside of a writer, I've been a stay-at-home mom for 22yrs, and that is often a thankless job that gets dismissed by many people. Make no mistake, I adore my kids and don't regret that choice to stay home and raise them, but when people learn I"m a writer, they perk up and ask all kinds of questions that help feed my passion and my ego.
I guess no matter what we choose to work at, for whatever reasons we do it, we need to develop strong, solid egos. Strong sense of self and confidence in our abilities to succeed are key, and for me, I have to have fun on the journey. When it stops being fun, is when I stop writing.
But I'd hesitate a guess that most people are not lucky enough to make a living doing what they are passionate about. I hope that those that do realize the blessing they've been gifted with.
Though it's a long hard road to publication, I can honestly say I've really enjoyed the journey. I've learned a ton of things and met some interesting people, and made wonderful life-long friends. What more could I want?
Leslie, great post, love that you liken your teller job to the waitress position in Hollywood. How many actors, writers, song writers, singers, doctors, lawyers, etc., etc., have had to do something else in this very, very wait-and-see, only-so-many-slots-to-fill world. Unfortunately, we can't eat the title of screenwriter. Harrison Ford was a carpenter before he got his big break! I love the Johnny Cash movie with Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon detailing what the legendary songwriter/singer had to go through to get his big break. Johnny Cash did not just step out onto stage one day and say, "Hello, I'm Johnny Cash". Or... how about the Loretta Lynn story, Coal Miner's Daughter with Sissy Spacek. Want more? Steven King, throwing Carrie in the trash, Debbie Macomber's husband saying I don't think we can afford to do this much longer, and then saying okay, let's give it a little longer. Barbara Samuel, not even having phone service, having to go to her dad's house to receive "the call." I could list story after story. No way did their day job define them. A job is just that ...a job. Screen writing is in your blood.
Theresa and Donnell,
The journey is what it's all about. I work a lot of hours at writing, and I damn well better love it. That's not say there are days I question my sanity, hate what I'm doing and think I'm a failure. I know that is part and parcel of creating. Since that morning not so many days ago, when the question arose, it's become almost :) second nature to say "I am a screenwriter," vs I write screenplays, and gotta tell you, it feels great. I feel taller than 5'1/2". Thanks for commenting, guys.
I remember having the "I am a writer" moment, too. Sure, I have to explain to people why they can't buy my books yet, when I say it... But I think saying it, admitting it, makes it more real.
Hi Maureen,
Thanks for commenting. Yes, it makes it more real, which hopefully keeps us moving onward in our writing careers. "Never give up, never surrender" (you get to guess the movie quote.)
LA
Very insightful, Leslie, and words to live by. President or Boss? Administrative Assistant or Secretary? Domestic Engineer or Stay-At-Home-Mom? We've got to wear the title we're comfortable with and the one we want to identify with.
A couple of years ago, our accountant was preparing our taxes and she asked me if I was still doing that *writing thing?* Hmm, I didn't really know how to take that. Am I still doing that crocheting thing? Jewelry thing? 4-H thing?
So many titles describe me, I like it that way. Yes, I still do that writing thing, and yes, I consider myself a writer.
Now THAT gives me warm fuzzies : )
Great article, Les!
-audra
I'm glad you're still doing the writing thing, Audra! It gives me warm fuzzies, too :)
Post a Comment