Friday, November 20, 2009

When it's too hard to write

How many times in the last few months have I wanted to give up writing?

When my son's foray into Kindergarten failed so miserably that I had to step up and homeschool...

When the additional coursework required for my degree meant I had to spend more time analyzing horror novels and critical essays on the genre than I could give my own thesis...

When the numerous revisions and halting progress on my thesis novel over the last year and a half meant that the Frankenstory it had become was almost beyond hope...

When that thesis novel was still due at the end of October...

When I'd already committed to volunteer in my children's religious education and couldn't weasel out...

When I was sick and my blood pressure skyrocketed for no logical reason...

When I had to fill so many prescriptions at the pharmacy that I wondered if they'd have a bag big enough for all of them...

When it seemed like everything around me was either exploding or falling apart and I was fumbling my obligations, how often did I want to just power down my computer and walk away for good?

Not once.

Even on those days when it was too hard to write, when I felt like any talent I might have was long gone, I still felt the fire.

Today, I give thanks for the fire to write. Some days, even if I only want to brainstorm under the spray of the shower and ignore my computer, that fire smoldering under the weight of life's burdens is what keeps me focused.

5 comments:

Donnell said...

I saved a quote from one of the most amazing, talented committed writers I know. It was powerful the first time I read it. It still gives me chills. You're amazing. K.L.

~~~~

"It was a dilemma, for sure, but I thought the computer science degree would be the more intelligent option. Then my husband pulled out several files of my writing ideas, charts, drafts, and rejection letters he'd rescued from the trash.

Decision made. Writing set me on fire. Computer science made me want to set fires."

Tough times will pass, but never your love of writing. Thanks for always inspiring.

KL Grady said...

Wow, Donnell. I'm honored that the quote is one you've kept around - you're such an inspiration yourself. May 2010 bring us the fruit of all our labors. And may this holiday season give me the downtime I need to rescue my creativity. LOL

Marni said...

Amen! And Hallelujerrrr! And whatnot.

I'm so grateful for the fire in you b/c it helps stoke the fire in me. :) Plus you're the best crit partner I have. Okay, you're the only crit partner I have, but if I had others, I'm sure they'd totally wilt when faced with The Fires of Mount KL.

Write on, my dear. :)

Donnell said...

Love your sense of humor, Marni. I'm sure KL is great!

Audra Harders said...

KL, doesn't it seem the closer we get to completing goals close to our hearts (in anything) the more obstacles are thrown in our path?

I'm so sorry for all the debris strewn across your path. In and of themselves, all the crisises you listed are manageable -- but thrown at you all at once? Mind boggling!!

Your fire is burning hot, KL, even when you douse it under the spray of water in your shower : ) Keep at it and know this is only a test.

A test you are winning.