"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Rebecca Dru, my longest (instead of oldest) friend, never ever allows me to be on a whiny tear, at least NOT for more than one email. In fact, recently I was complaining of feeling like an idiot because of someone else's reaction, and she told me to "take back my power."
At first I was a bit pissed. It wasn't my fault this dude was being what I considered...uh, rude...then I realized she was right. We allow our feelings, our reactions to be manipulated by others.
So I asked her to write a blurb on taking back your power for us creative types of which she is a charter member, so here it is:
I say it every day....”Take back your power!”. As artists, we give it up so easily. We bow down to authority. We think we’re not worthy and we allow others to disrespect us. So I’ll say it again....shouting it louder...”Take back your power”....find your sense of self....set boundaries and TELL people what you want.
It seems to me as artists, we have two different arenas in which to take back our power… the creative and the market place.
In terms of the creative arena, your instincts are your talent...they’re all you’ve got. Trust them.
As far as the business.... you can’t take things personally. Remember everyone’s brain is wired differently...people don’t necessarily think like you do. We have expectations that one can read our mind (or our novel or our screenplay) and that we all do things the same way. We don’t. It’s not just about men and women being from different planets....everyone is. You can say something 1000 different ways before the other person gets it...but eventually, if you stick with it, they will.
Find the humor... .don’t take things so seriously...take responsibility for that which is yours and put the rest back on the other person. Remember that when an editor or publisher doesn’t shower attention on you or show you respect, it may have nothing to do with you..and usually doesn’t...you just happened to be with them in an inopportune moment.
Think about the people on your creative and professional team. Do they enrich your creative process.... what is your purpose for pursuing them?
Why do you get upset when they’re not available to you...who are they to you? If they’re really someone worth keeping on your team, then start developing communication skills. It’s vital for a successful business partnership that you tell them what you want and expect from them. If they’re not someone that gives depth and meaning to your life; to your career; to your creative process - if the feeling isn’t mutual...let them go...clean house.
Speak up! Find a way to talk to your agent, manager, publisher or editor about what is okay and what is not. Don’t go in there and squirm....Take notes...create bullet points, take a deep breath and get oxygen into your brain, stand up strong and say what you need to say in an intelligent articulate emotionless manner. The people who take risks in life are the ones who get what they want.
Take Back Your Power.
Talented songstress, writer and friend extraordinaire!
And guess what's on Oprah's cover for her Oct. magazine? Take a peek:
So my friends, TAKE BACK YOUR POWER! I'm taking mine back every day, in every way I can...starting by e-publishing and not letting other people nay say me or get in my lunch because they want to get their power that way.
Let me know what you all think.