Thursday, October 14, 2010

Take Back Your Power! Eleanor Roosevelt, Dru and Oprah

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

(That would include ourselves! ~ dru)

Rebecca Dru, my longest (instead of oldest) friend, never ever allows me to be on a whiny tear, at least NOT for more than one email.  In fact, recently I was complaining of feeling like an idiot because of someone else's reaction, and she told me to "take back my power."

At first I was a bit pissed.  It wasn't my fault this dude was being what I considered...uh, rude...then I realized she was right.  We allow our feelings, our reactions to be manipulated by others. 

So I asked her to write a blurb on taking back your power for us creative types of which she is a charter member, so here it is:

I say it every day....”Take back your power!”.  As artists, we give it up so easily.  We bow down to authority. We think we’re not worthy and we allow others to disrespect us. So I’ll say it again....shouting it louder...”Take back your power”....find your sense of self....set boundaries and TELL people what you want.

It seems to me as artists, we have two different arenas in which to take back our power… the creative and the market place.

In terms of the creative arena, your instincts are your talent...they’re all you’ve got. Trust them.

As far as the business.... you can’t take things personally. Remember everyone’s brain is wired differently...people don’t necessarily think like you do. We have expectations that one can read our mind (or our novel or our screenplay) and that we all do things the same way. We don’t. It’s not just about men and women being from different planets....everyone is. You can say something 1000 different ways before the other person gets it...but eventually, if you stick with it, they will.

Find the humor... .don’t take things so seriously...take responsibility for that which is yours and put the rest back on the other person. Remember that when an editor or publisher doesn’t shower attention on you or show you respect, it may have nothing to do with you..and usually doesn’t...you just happened to be with them in an inopportune moment.

Think about the people on your creative and professional team. Do they enrich your creative process.... what is your purpose for pursuing them?

Why do you get upset when they’re not available to you...who are they to you?  If they’re really someone worth keeping on your team, then start developing communication skills. It’s vital for a successful business partnership that you tell them what you want and expect from them. If they’re not someone that gives depth and meaning to your life; to your career; to your creative process - if the feeling isn’t mutual...let them go...clean house.

Speak up! Find a way to talk to your agent, manager, publisher or editor about what is okay and what is not. Don’t go in there and squirm....Take notes...create bullet points, take a deep breath and get oxygen into your brain, stand up strong and say what you need to say in an intelligent articulate emotionless manner. The people who take risks in life are the ones who get what they want.

Take Back Your Power.

 
http://www.rebeccadru.com/
Talented songstress, writer and friend extraordinaire!
 
And guess what's on Oprah's cover for her Oct. magazine?  Take a peek:
 
 
So my friends, TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!  I'm taking mine back every day, in every way I can...starting by e-publishing and not letting other people nay say me or get in my lunch because they want to get their power that way.
 
Let me know what you all think.
 
Ciao
~LA
 

38 comments:

Donnell said...

Wow, this is a wonderful blog post, LA, and Dru, thank you! Dru, nice to meet you! ;) That quote by Eleanor Roosevelt is my all time favorite.

When we spend our time obsessing over a perceived wrong, it truly does sap our strength. Further, it gives more power to the person who wronged us.

This is a terrific post! Thank you.

Leslie Ann said...

D, you are SO right. Pass on the blog post, I think it can benefit us all.

Toe stitches out today. OW, pin out in a week.

Rebecca Dru said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebecca Dru said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebecca Dru said...

THANKS D! Nice to meet you too.

LA...with much appreciation and love!

Donnell said...

Ouch, LA. Hurting for you! Ideally that toe will be as good as new in a few weeks and the pain a distant memory.

Neringa said...

I really enjoyed the post by Ms. Dru. Ms. Roosevelt's quote has also been one of my favorites. Knowing it and finding the strength to live it is my daily goal. I must say, my percentage of living it goes up every year...

Thanks for reminding me...

Edie Ramer said...

A terrific post! I'm feeling empowered now. And when I go to the store, I'll get that Oprah magazine, too. I think I have a few friends who need it.

Lori Brighton said...

Great Post! I need to save this on my computer.

Rebecca Dru said...

Thanks, Ladies!!

Leslie Ann said...

Hi Neringa,
I'd never read that quote before, but now it's one of my favs.

There are lots of how-to books out there, but I think Dru just encapsulated them.

Ciao
~LA

Leslie Ann said...

Edie,
Let us know what the Oprah article says. It'll be an interesting follow up.

Thanks!
~LA

Leslie Ann said...

Lori,
I'm so glad you found it useful and want to save it.

Hugs
~LA

Leslie Ann said...

Hey all, I wonder if Oprah would care to comment?

Oh well, it's a thought, right?

~LA

Mary Marvella said...

Awesome1 I needed that to help me regain my joy in writing.

Gillian Layne said...

Good for you! I love this message, and need to remember it. It gets confusing, wanting to be polite and agreeable all the time, but of course there is a balance between consideration for others and self-respect.

Thanks for a great post.:)

Rebecca Dru said...

Gillian, There's an art to selfishness...and in this case...it's okay to be selfish...stop thinking so much about being "polite" and "agreeable" and start thinking about what you want. It's okay to put yourself first.....
Remember that!

Rebecca Dru said...

Mary,
Just write from your heart every day...and forget about everything else....you have to learn to separate the creative aspect from the business aspect. We're all just soapboxes...sometimes we're going to be the kind of soap they want...... but you can't let that stop your creative process....
b

Vicky Koch aka Sophia Knightly said...

I heartily agree with Dru and Leslie! This was a great post, Dru, and your message is especially valuable for women. The older I've gotten, the more I've realized that if you don't own your power, someone else will. It's liberating--and sometimes scary--to take risks. But the greater the risk, the greater the reward.

After practicing my pitch several times, I took the plunge and made my first cold call yesterday. Once I started talking about my script, my nerves dissolved into enthusiasm and the conversation went very well!

Nancy said...

LA, I've preached about owning and staying in one's power for years now. In fact, I teach an exercise that demonstrates what our personal power is all about - I even taught it to some of my high school students.

Go Ms. Dru, and go LA!! (And a big hi to all the friends I see here. I'm off deadline for a few days at least, and catching up as fast as I can!)

Light,
Nancy
www.nancyhaddock.com

Donnell said...

Sounds like Ms. Nancy needs to share her knowledge with the rest of the class; what do you think, L.A.?

Rebecca Dru said...

Thanks Vicky!

Congrats on your cold call..the first time is always the hardest....now the fun begins!

Ron at CM said...

Hope ya'll don't mind that a guy-type person thoroughly enjoys perusing your blog from time to time...

The best way to avoid having to take back your power is to avoid surrendering it in the first place.

Ron

Rebecca Dru said...

True, Ron....but...you are a guy...easier said than done for a women. We are the ones expected to take care of everyone...and tend to lose ourselves....so...women need to be reminded to take it back.......

Leslie Ann said...

Mary,
Now your post stopped me, in a good way. How did this help you regain your joy in writing?

~LA

Leslie Ann said...

Gillian,
It is hard, VERY hard at times to find that balance.

I tend to internalize all the crap and toss out the good. That's why Becca's (Dru's) admonishment to take back my power has been a great tool in my personal arsenal.

Ciao
~LA

Leslie Ann said...

Vicky!

Great to see you. Congrats on your call...the first of many!!

I think we also tend to give our power to someone else whom we think can do something better...or has bigger connections in whatever, than we do.

We can do SO much our selves if we pull that "power" back in.

xo
LA

Leslie Ann said...

Okay Miss Nancy,
You want to write a blog on this! Give us a lesson or two or three?

Obviously this is a subject that touches many people.

I've had lots of positive FB comments as well.

ciao
~LA

Leslie Ann said...

Hi Ron,
Thanks for the kind words about our blog.

We love having guys come around and post. It ALWAYS brings a different perspective.

Good to see you,
~LA

Donnell said...

I wanted to say thanks to Ron, too. Great advice not to give our power away in the first place. Thanks, Ron

Kaye George said...

The part about using humor to deflect bad things hit a note with me. Taking ourselves too seriously can knot us all up, I think. Humor and kindness--they help the world go 'round more smoothly. Great post! Thanks.

Rebecca Dru said...

Thanks Katy! Humor has gotten me through MANY tough times....very healing!
RD

Audra Harders said...

What a great discussion! Great topic, Leslie and thanks so much for the insight, Dru.

Oh how true you are about the artist types bowing to contradictory opinions. And why are we so quick to do that? I so agree with you about finding the humor in situations and taking it to heart.

Besides, we all look so much better when we smile rather than scowl, right?

Leslie Ann said...

Kaye,
Humor is great, I wish I could "do" it more, 'tho I have to say, when I take back my power it becomes easier to find the humor in myself and also to answer the issue that could sap my power WITH humor.

Thanks for visiting us.
~LA

Leslie Ann said...

Audra Baby,
Good to see you. I don't know why we bow period. I'm not saying we should be rigid, or "witches" or arrogant when I say we shouldn't "bow" but I think I'm tired of allowing myself to feel inferior in certain situations...

I'm flexing my muscles, can you see me?

xo
~LA

Rebecca Dru said...

Thanks Audra!

Leslie Ann said...

Interesting...I suddenly have developed a higher blood pressure, could be b/c of my surgery, but I think it's because I wasn't allowing myself to remember I am in control of me...not the world, not interest rates, or reviews, but me.

So if I continue with this thinking, this change of perspective, my BP should come down to my low normal...will check in and let you all know.

xo
LA

Donnell said...

I'll be expecting a report on the blood pressure, LA.